All of this 100%, the act desired is one of sexual action with CONSENT, it is not violence and power.

It is extremely hard to unwind, and perplexes people that aren't "gifted" [I say this with extreme dripping sarcasm of the worst bleh] with this experience.

So the best advice for folks not experienced in this, listen and say nothing and don't assume anything, because the only way you know is by walking through that shitty door. If your partner has had it happen and desires this, one should actively listen and talk "a lot" and live black and white with what your partner wants and desires.

I am a natural switch, but you know what I will never be able to do? Submit to a CIS-male. Never. CIS/Trans-woman (definitely).

But if my partner has been assaulted/raped, and she/they desire to play in power play. I can definitely play that game 100%. Set the guidelines and lets go, because I can understand deeply the urges from a submission standpoint. I also know exactly where the redlines are from my experience.

The hint for people that still scratch their heads why? By doing this act with the person they love or can control through engagement, they are gaining power over their sexuality over the assaulter. In roles like this the submissive is the one in charge ... and by dictating the terms, they show command and are able to beat back the anxiety demon.

I am coming to realize that partners I have been with and close close friends I have seen, have a feel and vibe that they can feel safe with me. It maybe because I have experienced this sad show, and I have a zero tolerance for assault on women and children. They also know (if this game is to be played), my past history since I will talk to them about how I won't be triggered and what I will do. Once I know what they want, you betcha they are going to feel that deep pit of consensual fear, the lump and shivers all over, and will totally lose it as I will drive very close to the hot edge of the yellow safe word and then dance around the edge for as long as I can.

When done, we cry, we hug, we console each other, we feel complete and we smile.

It sucks with COVID, as I used to travel every week somewhere (so travel won't be the same). If I had a partner with this "desire", you can bet I would come home a day early, prepare, and surprise my partner in the best and yet worst possible way.

Consent always, talk lots, respect is queen, and aftercare is king.

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

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