As he should, because one has to be accountable and show up to be considered whatever they are aiming for (parent, etc).

My simplistic view is she can do the first and second, but she has no right to push the 3rd (undying love).

In my view, that is where her ego and self-love turns toxic. She had a thirteen-year window to be able to accomplish the undying love, and it passed the expiration date as she was in essence a bio-mom.

People can do IMO what you ask, but own it. Owning it means not re-opening wounds in the child to make yourself feel better.

I don't have kids, but I do have animals which require some of the maintenance that parents know all so very well. I am also not talking the one or two animals, I am talking two dozen plus ...