As I have worked on my "stuff", I learned a few things:
1. If you have no facts and you are using bias and there is no threat to life, by default initially use a Constanza Filter (do the opposite of what you gut says)
2. If you survive "1", then open your ears first and eyes second, active listening requires one to listen, look, think, then act
3. If you survive "2", think do I have experience on this and if so, "act", if not "act with a question"
As such ...
I think ... "therefore" I am
When it is all done, then you look at the person across from you and see how they reacted to your actions and you can then think will this be a friend?
The problem for myself always is "I am hormonal" as I am a man ... so the process can be hard ....