As men age, we lose the testerone edge that nature has given us, and then with failure lose what little confidence we have. This means we latch onto patterns that provide us comfort and ability to feel like we can command our own area.
What I have found from female platonic friends over the years, that the dirty little secret in a lot of hetero relationships are men are usually the ones that have the headaches. I have even seen some strong feminist friends call out what the hell is up with a lot of what appears to be decent guys that fall into the situation that you are in.
So in short you are not alone.
The sad reality / unintended consequence we are observing is women are understanding at a deeper level when safety and balance is there in their relationships or environments and the release the sexual genie (yeah I am all for this), that men are shutting down due to the stresses of trying to be more then a traditional and simple man.
So the best advice is to talk and definitely try not to shame since the echo chamber in a man’s mind from one word reverberates for many days after …. Should women treat men like fragile children? No. If you are hurting share and if need be be angry, but also make sure that communication or he has someone to talk to (that might not be you) in case it gets too personal.