Change is never easy. Never, especially when it comes to our core needs and our heart and mind and soul.
I had a close friend of 20 years whose contract finished abruptly in South Carolina. He lives in the Bay Area so he started his drive back (he was there three years and even bought a car) to the Bay. He crashed at my place for 3 three nights and 4 days.
I haven't seen him in 7 years when he stopped by my farm in Indiana from Chicago. He had so much joy seeing the raw nature and horses and the whole farm. He drove a tractor and rode a horse. I showed him how wickedly fast and awesome and multi-cultural Frisco and Plano Texas turned into.
We had Asian that matched item for item the Bay Area, Berkeley and China Town in San Francisco. Literally, he was shocked. Even the Boba tea was perfect.
He left, I watched him go and I literally cried. Hell as I am writing this not 90 minutes after he left ... I have tears going down my face as we chit chatted about politics and finance and watch bone dry CNBC and talked about things. All the way with catching up with seven years of separation.
Connection with real friends is the most important thing, and then getting the release in respected and connected way to me is the gold standard. Not the bronze or tin.
Talk to your "wifeys", take a deep breath enjoy women and men and take the leap. I know and appreciate how scary and sad you feel, but take a deep breath. You are 100% free. Reinvent yourself and feed your needs for touch and companionship, you deserve it. We are also here for you too remember that (email, medium, twitter, whatever).
It is the conversation and talking that makes us whole through connections. One of my latest poems (https://medium.com/ipoetry/dnc-hearts-gop-284d2e17ae2e) was due to a conversation with a pretty openminded and awesome person that I never communicated with before.
The only way you would be a "bad" girl Yael is if you stayed locked up in your house. Be a good girl and go "get some" :) We all love you for you and for those that shame you ... they will get some shame from me and others ... for they are the ones that are "bad".
Be well and take care!