I had a set of traumas including an extremely traditional upbringing which put me into a situation where I stated there was no way I could be "male".
A man wouldn't have had the things happen to me that did.
Took decades to deal with it, and my biology lined up with my gender spirit.
It was awful and not fun. I love (bad word but great choice) ... self-gaslighting.
Still have to fight the damage and the mental anguish.
How I fought through it? Seeing what Transgendered women had to do. My ah-ha moment was if I was single, I would not mind at all being partnered up with a trans-woman that was intact because I desire a strong feminine spirit to balance my strong masculine spirit.
Then things clicked.
Good luck on your freedom, and feel and be safe.
Trans-woman can offer CIS-Males the ability to learn so much about the female spirit. As for CIS-Female, they also can teach how brutal male-on-male conflict really is.
As I have alluded to some, women sometimes have no idea, because it can be 1000x worse then their worse nightmares.