Congratulations on achieving the liberation and empowerment you desire. I am sorry that your husband doesn’t feel safe or has his stoic walls up.
If he or you are wanting more, I suggest he gets the therapy he or both of you need to get to the root cause.
Like your husband I have never orgasmed orally. My reasons is a female babysitter would use her hands and mouth to get me close then beat me with a belt until I was soft.
It took until two years ago just to be able to give myself a handjob and orgasm. It takes a lot of confidence and safety for me to get there and now I am able to do it if I desire.
His wall appears similar to mine. He is very lucky to have a beautiful and empowered woman like yourself at his side, but while he may say he wants the woman of old it may not be what you think or feel since he may not be truly talking to you.
I am not a trained therapist, so I suggest he or you both get one. He may learn if he fights and wins that battle the self confidence he gets and the love making with fun power play you both enjoy may provide you with enjoyment like you have never felt before.
Most people believe that men do not have any power or control especially when it comes to sex. Men actually do. When a man engages intimacy with her heart, mind and soul and his cock. Sex is radically different then when a man just lives through his cock.
Just like a raised and engorged penis is a sign a guy is physically ready, true desire is the sign when a man is mentally ready to open his legs fully.
I have read your articles before and your writing is superb. So keep on keeping on, and I hope for the maximum fulfillment in your life and your husband’s too!