My bartender advice is this for generalized gender views.
Men less porn, more romance novels
Women less romance novels and more porn
Women have a natural sense of balance of what is consensual and fun and good for the couple (but not all women of course)
Men have a natural sense of raw desire and lust and know when there is a connection by site.
The key is balancing it. So if a man has certain edgy porn desires, he should give a list to his partner and ask her to research them and openly and actively figure out what she is comfortable with and go from there. Then they should watch together.
Women should provide the romance and desires she loves and give her guys a list of authors to pick books from and ask what he can do to reenact them and talk to the feeding of the relationship.
When done, set safewords, set up talk time and recovery time. Then get freaky as fuck no holds barred.
Rinse Wash Repeat