For you, anger provides a pretty potent fuel for work. Beware if you do resolve this issue that your motivation stays solid.
I will echo others, outsource by a roomba and if it is chauffering the kids … he should play lyft driver. At home, pick one thing and state I will do this and you do the rest.
My cooking sucks. So she cooks ( and believe me I hear about it), but I do the dishes and laundry and garbage.
He is right about the kids if they are old enough. Give them a small allowance, and say you are responsible for your room and one other …. Then book you time and most importantly us time ….
Without wanting to know but for you to think about … if you two aren’t having us time for intimacy then your relationship is doomed and you will get to spend us time with attorneys and btw being the prime money earner you will also get to pay child support on top of it
So think of spending the time together and conversely having him work out his male fragility issues with a therapist.
He needs to find something positive about being a man and raising a family or else he is doomed.
You two loved each other for a reason … find it and work on it.
As for the loan officer … remind him that a rich wife poor husband means the husband has to be good in something that would make other men envious ….