Had to read the first as I didn't see it in my feed.

In a committed relationship, both men and women should freely be able to express their desires and needs consensually.

If needs aren't being met, they should be communicated; however, once acknowledged a person needs to let the person come consensually to the other person. If they are not, then it means the couple is not communicating effectively, or else one partner doesn't feel safe.

In this instance, your partner may not feel safe and secure with his desire or is stressed and unable to deliver what you need.

That means a different way has to move forward. It means the rolls if one uses a patriarchal and traditional construct is used, need to flip. He needs to be shown he is desired, he needs to feel safe and stress free so he can get "hard" since his life obviously must be hard in some way.

If it still doesn't work, then I would suggest, you tell him you are going to masturbate and you would like for him to watch and maybe join in and take it from there.

Quite a few women (committed and not) have little to no understanding the stresses in a man's life in our society. This obviously is part of the man's fault as sharing the concerns and stresses is part of the relationship; however, it takes a different level of empathy and sympathy in a heterosexual relationship with equality at play.

Men (thankfully mind you) due to metoo and a variety of other things like moving through the milestones of life, are becoming more aware of women's needs and priorities in leui of theirs and this means more stress and less desire.

Also, if he is a good guy and doing the adult thing and doing his half in the relatinoship, and it appears he is doing his half in other angles of life as you stated in your previous article, that means less energy and reserves to have that "spark" generated.

I chuckle in a way (I do my 1/2 and thing as a feminist guy in a relationship), doing the laundry, dishes, cleaning and shopping while she does the cooking and meals, means in theory there should be more time for fun. Well ... no.

Making sure the basics are done along with work, means there is near zero in the tanks at the end of the day. So if one adds an additional "task" even if fun and desirable, takes extra work with guys since if PIV is desired requires stress free and energy which wanes as the relationship and guys age.

Now, you did stated you wanted shows of affection, and you do deserve it; however, it appears (not for me to know) that he must feel these acts must be followed on by more engagement and he appears to be tapped out.

So, talk to him, work on shared relaxation techniques with intimacy where both of you can relax (take 20-60 minutes where soft touching and massage and maybe "fun" is done) and do this 50/50.

Some of the blowback you saw through ineffective communication are some guys who don't have the words to say. No, I don't understand what you are saying, No, I don't have the desire for you right now but I love you. No, I hurt too much and am too tired and don't feel good, but I fight every day to love you.

I the past societal view, the most priced resource access was to a woman's private areas. What was never talked too was that the same thing applied for men, just it was their hearts, minds, and desire and love.