Hearing feedback is never easy, recently our lawn tractor (we have a lot of acreage to manage) died, and my wife tried to resurrect it (again). So into the parts store we went, and we got one of those sales guys.

After an uncomfortable position where awkward silence happened, I tried to intervene (which of course violated what I promised to her), which sucked.

The reality was I should have went off on the guy, but I was attempting to be civil. So I took the experience to try to listen and be better.

What did we do to resolve the issue (rods were blown on the engine) ...

We went to another dealership which had no issue with dealing with a woman. We paid more but I would rather pay a store with workers that are respectful, then one that isn't ....

I live in a red and rural area in Texas, and I get this all the time, and I always have to redirect guys to talk to her as she is the "god" of mechanical, while I am the god of electronics, mobile, internet, and computers (e.g. I have been running my own 5G kit for 3.25 years now).

Luckily most of the time it isn't too bad as there is a nice and religious bent to the area where niceness matters, so there are fewer bad eggs, but it is still there.

Where guys IMO get triggered is they get overpersonalized instead of listening, and the miss the silent "some" when women talk about men, and presume to correct it which defeats the purpose. It shows via action one isn't listening but more worried about one's position instead of what the other person is saying.

Do I and I have I fallen down that bear trap? You betcha, but being aware means learning not to fall into every time it happens and becoming smarter and more empathetic.

Someone writes or discusses it (especially if in person) one should understand they are hurting and needing help. Getting told one is wrong when hurt adds to the pain, and doesn't help.

So stop, listen, and think. Observe when negativity happens and make note is the person getting defensive or moving into a flight posture or going into fight? One should be smart enough to know when to step up, and if you are not, then you are part of the issue where the word "systemic" pops up.

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Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

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Alan Tegel

Alan Tegel

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

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