I can definitely see this with the interactions with my wife and long term partner. I know right now, if things ended and I started up "semi-fresh" and "new-ish" that whomever (if I am lucky) I am with would benefit from the sad scars my wife has had to deal with this in these areas.

It sucks.

My wife goes to major horses 2-3x every year, while I take over the farm. This time she decided she wasn't not going to woman up like she does every year, and found a house where horse-women go to park and hold their horses and stay over night (commune like)

The newer me has learned not to question it and I kept my mouth shut. I always have fear for her safety, but and let it go.

Now what did cause a fun blow up was she needed cash for it, and for fairground access, and a few other things the in the last 24 hours. She knew I was super busy with calls and work (along with the fact she hates having to ask for money), so she did a passive aggressive request, and we are watching cash flows due to a massive refinancing we are doing that is dragging on due to a lack of apprasial. folks.

I asked how much as I had pulled out extra to be ready, so maybe I had it.

Boom explosion, due to all of the toxic communication based up on the topic you talk too. I didn't get angry and let her blow up, and she told me she felt she had enough cash go get me X.

I did ... calm prevailed. Frankly, she was in the wrong because with normal boundaries me asking how much is a perfectly fine question to the question, but since I fucked up a lot over the past few decades (yeah long term relationship you know). I just saw it as one plank on the bridge over that river to be solved.

As for you observation, men have fought each other forever, so when two guys have a common answer and response to a solution it "feels" more correct since a brother in arms fighting the battle of the problem.

Does it make it right? Absolutely not, as the true warrior is the woman sleeping right next to you. Realizing this may help guys in ways they can't even fathom, since women desire the deep authentic male desire, and if they are ponied up next to you ... they kind of like the inner you. So let it show.

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.