I did the same thing. I managed masks over my personality and soul due to the shattered self within me. At some point, managing the walls and masks proved to cause more damage and pain than I ever realized.
But … I did need them to survive while I repaired.
So my advice is to attack those demons, stay away from toxic people, and live, love, and grow. Then when you are strong enough take those masks down, because what you might see is the blind spots made by the masks. May hide the non-friend “friends” around you, who actually cause trauma and pain and not love and joy.
But also make sure to self-love and self-love often. You are special, wonderful and amazing never forget that.