I don’t see it as a problem either, and it only becomes a problem if dishonesty and communication is dead and if the person uses that crush for pure sexual satisfaction.

If the opposite partner (presume monogamy) has an issue with their partner crushing it on another, one can either feed the green monster (jealousy) or see it as a green pasture which can feed the unicorn to make it run freer or truer.

The key thing IMO …. comes down to respect and having the conversation.

It is subtle IMO too and a lot of people because it is hard and requires focus don’t dig into it.

Lets take some of the female authors that write about desire here. There is some seriously solid stuff to say damn isn’t she super amazing and awesome what is between those ears and armpits is solid gold.

Now crush ….

Ok … that person is a north star to something good and if your partner isn’t acting and feeling the same … figure out what it takes to put her in that place.

If you are lucky to be in a poly relationship, then game on …. extra fun and work and joy and pain and happiness can come forth. If one is lucky to be monogamous … work on it to get there and if you can’t …. then realize take the positives and gold … love you and the person and set each other free and look for someone better …

Thanks again for the response … I do enjoy your writing!