I feel like using a quote from a political ad:
Hi my name is Alan and I approve of this message ... :)
Yael and others have been pushing me to write about this, and I will be doing so.
For most guys they will say hell no, are you insane. The secret I will tell you is this, there are spaces and places in time before the big explosion that if you work on it, can be stretched out to equal the big O.
The kick to this crazy is. Wait a little bit and you can do it again and again and again.
So picture the 80/20 theory of life, (which I contemplating using for an article/book).
Imagine going 80% of the way and feeling the a small sliver of pleasure, and working your way up to 20% of the big O.
Like exercise, keep practicing it and pretty soon that 80% = 80%. Now picture replicating that over the day several times. The sum of the acts exceed the single act to completion.
I learned about some of how the body works through severe allergies which I never had until I moved to the area of Texas I did. It affected my poor sleep and it made it worse.
I dealt with it, got the doctor (female of course), and fixed it. I literally would only sleep 2-3 hours max a night every night for decades. It took a year to move it to 4 hours, then it took another year to move it to 5-6 hours. Now I sit between 6-8.
Guess what ... retuning the male response can be done; however, it takes a reboot or reset to help deal with the hormones in the brain.
I do work as a performance architect on super sized (carrier grade) software. Huh? The minimum number of subscribers or customer I plan and interact with starts at is 5 million, and I have built systems meant to run up to 300 million in a single system.
To do this work, I have learned to kill two birds with one stones (but not really kill the bird :) )
I thank feminism for rebooting my masculinity and as I educated myself, I saw the pain and suffering from women and their writing and understanding our wonderful differences (women versus men on average). I saw solutions to both parties where it could be fun.
When I was younger I was a respectful and consenting "fuck boy". Women I brought home from the bar, I usually had sex with again later and for a few weeks. So I saw the field and learned to understand it, and saw the pain too on both sides of gender.
The pain as Yael states all comes down to hunger and being thristy. IT is that simple. The messed up and ironic thing is in the past "I have the pussy, I make the rules" ruled the day and the patriarchal systems enforced it held the test of time.
Then pornography came with internet and smartphones and we know the rest. Now there are oodles of women and feminine driven humans truly desiring "masculine response and desire (good stuff)", and most guys are turned off, tuned on to just themselves, and only giving a sliver of themselves.
Enter in the feedback loop now were guys can say, "I have an empathetic dick and some shard of authentic masculinity, I make the rules"
Boom ... life sucks.
Fantastic article as always Yael.