Alan Tegel
2 min readApr 16, 2021


I felt like you did, until I realized that I did not have the perspective that my therapist did to help me tackle the issues.

You know what? She was right.

What I didn't realize is the threads from childhood and how I was raised (even the non-evil bits) really helped put me into a powerless situation which "screwed" with me, and compounded in ways I can't describe.

So your path is your own (obviously), but what I learned is therapists need the full picture and time to help dive into the decades of our life in the matter of minutes to help us get out of the tsunami of today.

What I saw from my past was I fell into the hyper sexualized view of masculinity empowered by traditional up bringing and booze/drugs, but with the strong caveat of having a strong core of consent due to the same upbringing, and from my own traumas.

Even now (e.g. as I have stated in my past comments), I don't get dick pics. I really don't. Forcing this longing and desire for intimacy in forced communication in all the wrongs ways doesn't make sense to me at all.

Now sharing with a partner in a committed way where things have been discuss and blanket consented (e.g. I am ok if you send me nudes e.g.)

It brings out the desire and need to "talk" have "trust" and to be able to let one's guard down.

So sure I never realized I misdiagnosed what I had and what I needed to learn and to do in the normal things in life, until I went through the process and followed through with a therapist.

One can't find truth, until one becomes aware.

One can't be happy until they find their truth and how they want to live also.

This takes years to work through without trauma, and decades with ...

Be well.

Now on the fun side, when their is honesty, openness, and communication with a heterosexual dance in a society based upon patriarchy and traditions, there is a lot of extra zing that can happen when the walls come down and the taboos go away.



Alan Tegel

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.