I had the same issue with the lack of wording with toxic masculinity as it is missing an important word
toxic culture of/within masculinity. I learned about it in therapy far before it hit mainstream. The therapist at the time stated this phrase is only meant for use with men in therapy as it is poorly phrased and highly stereotypical and requires analysis.
When I attempted to have discussions about this topic with some folks, if I reversed it and stated toxic femininity I always got the "how dare you generalize" or "it doesn't exist".
At that point, the rebuttal was the equivalent of "not all women".
If words truly do matter, it is important we use them effectively and with the right way without generalization.
Some rebuttals are correct, one should not be overly defensive. If one finds a person dancing with the tropes realize they are highly damaged and not worthy of conversation. Care must be taken around them as they lack the depth of analysis and humanity to have a fully formed discussion.
If you have spare empathy and sympathy you can try to have a conversation, but realize it is an uphill battle. Choose your words and intent carefully, and realize there is a high probability you need to walk away. Authentic men that see this and get "burned" realize that the person in front of them is a low value human, and needs time to heal. Move on to better women and people and walk away, but also listen for any constructive feedback as their may be some.