I have had the dual bookends of being raped by a guy and sexually abused by a female babysitter as a child. :) Luckily, as a man I am strong enough to have fought through this obvious landmine of mess.
My situation did not involve penetration, but it did involve her getting me hard with her hand and mouth, and then belting me and my cock and balls.
Over a long period of time, it started with the "lets play a game" and tying me to a chair.
After this was done, handjobs and oral "could never be done", I figured out how to masturbate via prone masturbation, and that caused issues later in life also. (well some good and some bad).
I had a girlfriend abort our child after I promised to raise and it as my own (I wouldn't bail), so yeah. Team Trust issues? Got those badges in style.
It literally took until I was 46 to be able to use my hand and it took "a long" period of work which was the culmination of therapy, becoming a feminist, finding out I was a pansexual and all that jazz.
Oral completion will always be my Mt. Everest ...
So yeah .... very much agree .... just because he is hard doesn't mean he consents, and conversely just because he isn't hard doesn't mean he isn't into you.
I can attest on my journey that some of the most toxic gender and sexual actions were done by women and not men. I don't blame them as I have no doubt it originated from their own assaults.