I learned about this in therapy several years ago before it hit the current mainstream, when everyone became a psychologist.

Ready for this ... the "female" therapist said it was the worst use of phrasing which made things infinitely worse then better, and it took a man crafting it poorly to do the most damage.

Her view was it should have been called toxic "culture" of masculinity (you can make the of silent). Her view and I saw many proud feminist in social media circles pound out stop being defensive it is just a word and in the same breath state word choice matters.

I stated your are acting with toxic femininity (and get ready for the explosion). I said why? It is just and adjective!

There is a lot of pain and trauma in our society that women have burdened for a long time, and they have used communities and words to describe it, and currently own the media in a lot of ways in these areas.

The problem is quite a few men are out manned and out gunned in being able to communicate effectively because of being trained to use their shields of stoicism to move on and deal.

Prior to therapy I had a lot of day dream fantasies to get through depression and sadness. I dreamt of what it would be like to wake up in a society where men were very few and or were reproductively limited. Ironically I didn't know at the time there was a comic out and just recently (2021) Hulu has made it a movie where nature committed androcide.

I now see as it was my mind trying to heal the wounds and feel "special" in an unspecial place and time in our society, where men while being held up traditionally always feel expendable.

People love a dumpster fire, and always want to compare whose scars are more gruesome, instead of appreciating how people stay positive in not so positive times.

In the end, as you call out indirectly, people are getting the masculinity they desire. Self fulfilling prophecy. Women retreat into romance and men into porn, and then when they poke their heads out to try to be human and date the expectations are just so out of whack there is no luck. E.g. I saw a woman (via the not so reliable NY Post) on tinder created a 17 page contract document with her boyfriend to date her. One of the things that no one would comment on was her expectation of him working out 5 days a week.

Imagine if a man drafted something similar in response? Oh hell no would be said a lot.

Kindness, empathy, trying to communicate, vulnerability are all things people are wanting and desiring, but it takes reserves, confidence, and a safe space for which men never have truly have.

Then folks wonder? Why are only the men we see the most toxic? Well the rest are trying to figure out how to not be them, so folks are focused on the 1% while ignoring the rest, and then when a man stumbles down the hill, he gets pushed into that 1% dumpster fire and labeled for life.

Personally, I stay away now from toxic men and women, and I have seen a lot of both. I prefer solid people with stable minds, and from there hopefully crazy and happy moments can be made.

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.