I sincerely and truly hope your husband rises up and conquers his demons and becomes the full and robust male that you saw in him from day one.
It is important that guys like him become more whole, because the more real and mindful and robust men there are, the easier it is for boys to mimic the right stuff.
Cooking comes up in my household. I never was taught it (in fact my mother stated harshly a man’s place was not in the kitchen. That hasn’t stopped me from trying, the problem is though no matter how hard I have tried the food (while I can eat it …) gets tossed. It sucks. So we eat out more then the average couple. She cooks breakfast and we will get meals that span a few days.
But what I do do is all the laundry, dishes, garbage, and I try to clean up around the house. All the bills and management of taxes (including her business I take care of 100%).
You are absolutely correct it should over the long term be 50/50. There is time it can be 60/40 or 30/70 … but net-net …. it should average out to 50/50.
But as a man (As I try to do for my partner in her own business), I take pride in seeing her succeed and I cry when she fails. That is what a man should be IMO ….
I hope you get the peace and me time, or else maybe you need to tell him that you need a vacation away from it all and leave him 100% with everything.
Since it sounds like you seriously deserve it ….