I will try to work through your wonderful response, and of course remember any sex discussed assumes consent and non-transactional types of sex.

Picture waking up from sleep several times a week “excited” and ready to go. The urges and surges can be that great, that being said not all guys are the same. Libido intervals would be 1–3x a day for high, 2–3x a week for normal, and 2–3x a month for lower, barring the guy is not engaging in daily masturbation. If a guy goes solo, one can expect those numbers to be higher by a factor of 2–4. As for your guy it comes down to honesty and openness which usually is not 100% there, combined with health, and stress levels.

ED = Erectile Dysfunction. All guys have it hit them based upon health and stress and confidence. The other factor also comes down to the newness factor, which ironically on average works differently for women, which makes me think God (goddess, nature or karma) is a jokster for wiring both sexes opposite of one another. Though their is a biological reason of limiting propagation (i.e. prevent over population).

Sex cracks open a man’s emotion, and lets his guard down. A lot of it has to do with the societal upbringing of all boys and men hard wired in Gen Y and earlier though Gen Z boys have it a lot better now. The societal aspect can be considered the negative aspects of the patriarchal system in place. The positive actions of breaking down some of the systems for women have not had similar improvements for boys and men as we are on the cusp of the change, and it will probably only be the boys of the Gen Z boys where the benefits will be seen. So if the #metoo work that is happening now is successful, expect push back, then expect drift where men literally step away from society. The problem is boys/men don’t have the tools and skills to be able to do it, so it will take a lot of time and energy. If a person adds a zero tolerance or a “fuck you” you crossed a redline in relationship bye bye (totally a woman’s right) it will take even longer. Think about the work and time it took for Woman’s suffrage to get and hit the strides we have now. I would expect a similar time frame.

As such, that is stress, loss of confidence, and a stripping of identity for guys. So when a guy is hurt he does revert to like a boy touching a hot stove. Yes guys have that risk taking view, but guys aren’t stupid, they are going to do a risk reward analysis pretty fast and the more they have to do that usually will means there won’t be trust for a while. Secondly, for some guys they see women as guys since they are considered equals. If women feel (Rightfully so) not safe around guys, they have a taste also of what guys feel when around other guys. The thing is guys don’t talk about it.

Women have the right to feel safe with the men they want to date and mate and do whatever they want (period). Now that rape and violence which is in the front, guys will lose confidence in taking the risk of making the first move. Talk first action second as the rules (traditional) are no longer the same. This is ok, but now it requires guys to learn a whole new set of skills for which they are not adept at. So whether fear or laziness, if one adds easy access to porn and the transactional sex aspect, guess what. The pros for having a relationship become way less while the cons grow exponentially more. This now leads women to say WTF I am here I like you lets go through signalling, but guys are saying … it isn’t black and white so the cons are too great, and if I have urges … well let me go take care of it or find a lower risk option.

So that long paragraph shifts the mating and faux-dating aspect into a cerebral and talking experience before the act, and feeling and physical chemistry second. Now physical chemistry will happen, but it will only happen in a tinder style of manner, which I believe people are now realizing sucks on quite a few ways.

So one can envision a sexual intimacy encounter with … may I kiss you (pause), may I touch you (pause), may I remove you clothes (pause), may I … etc etc and with all of these talks and interaction, which anyone partnered up will remove the awkardness and lead to better sex later … kills the mood and drags it out and sometimes to the point where one or both parties get tired of waiting and move on. This will lead to parallel dating where people will keep 2–5 partners running in parallel, and we all know multi-tasking doesn’t do well in relationships.

So this IMO will lead to more women having to take the lead, and with guys not being used to being pursued, they have little skills and this leads to stress. What happens then? At best the discussion previously, at worse a situation which causes the woman harm. So during this time, as retarded as it sounds the be clear, concise, direct speech is needed. But as you call out smartly, it kills the mood and spice of the relationship.

“One other comment is what you desire and want is wrong, bad or evil.” → This refers to the urges and surges to take a women (presuming desired) and ravish her fully, which now by default will be assumed to be assault. That statement I realize is stupid sounding, but that is a gut/root feeling for a guy based upon past traditional/patriarchal views where it was normal (I am not talking of rape or assault maneuvers). E.g. quite a few women want their partners to desire them so much and want them to ravish them completely as it provides a surge in power and feeling that is wonderful.

You are welcome, obviously as good as medium is … the discussion of course would have been better over coffee, beer, tea, wine, martinis in a nice and comfortable setting … but we must use what is available :)

Due to life experiences, I have gone from go and take to more of a demisexual person. With that and also rebuilding my masculinity due to other life experiences I have spent considerable time rebuilding a stronger masculinity which interestingly enough was by becoming a feminist.




Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

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Alan Tegel

Alan Tegel

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

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