Alan Tegel
2 min readMay 7, 2019

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In another group, I discussed this and since folks in the group know of my personal traumas and pain. One person wisely stated she would love to share this but frankly it is worded so poorly for men, unless one had the therapy and work a man couldn’t read it.

One of the hard parts in reality comes all along the less criminal aspect or more in the relationship aspect.

E.g. how does a man respond in an engaged relationship with a woman who is pushing for him to consent to engaging hard stoicism and calling it sexy, while he feels uncomfortable. This could be from the bedroom to even the kitchen attempting to pick up the 1/2 of the relationship in cooking.

Women have P.hd’s in emotional labor and communication (on average mind you), while men currently are hoping to achieve that 5th grade reading level).

Programs like you listed are a good first step from a secular view. As for a religious one, that is a whole another hard topic.

My view for those that pound the pulpit is as follows:
If a woman is entrusting a man (via the biblical rational) he needs to realize how much work he has to put into active listening, communicating, and working with his partner in making sure her needs come first, her needs are met first, and he is in service to her as the leader.

I chuckle because those that follow alternative sexual practices such as BDSM know that the submissive is the one who is usually in charge, but what is funny is those that don’t follow it … don’t understand that with power comes tremendous responsibility, stress, and a leaders needs comes last always.

On the flip side once we do find some sense of safety for women (I hope to be alive to see that day honestly), where women are fully empowered, safe and 100% themselves with both their femininity and masculine spirits, and men have been able to boot strap themselves up … There will be obviously other issues to deal with.

E.g. If society would take male chemical birth control more serious, then maybe parents would be able to engage this with boys and help teach them to take the load off of women. Now on the flip side, there maybe a unintended consequence later in life when boys/men say no thanks not going off … but that is a parallel universe type of situation.

Women are hurting nearly everyone knows this universally. Men on the other hand for quite a few don’t even realize how bad they are because they foist the stoic mask and hit the mute button behind it, while screaming at the top of their lungs. The problem is over time, and when one lives with another 24x7 that mask eventually cracks …..

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a27259689/toxic-masculinity-male-friendships-emotional-labor-men-rely-on-women/

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Alan Tegel

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.