It is funny. The worst thing you can be is alone in a relationship. I have had that darkness, and whoo boy is it “fun” [cough cough fuck no].
So there was a stint where I was literally bouncing around the US and Europe. The ultimate digital nomad, in fact, when “Up in the Air” with George Clooney came out [let that good looking guy for the ladies linger in their minds … poke poke tee hee], every person that knew me, said “Fuck Al” that guy is you. (not the alpha toxic culture-based male parts). I had everything down to a science and the gate attendants knew me, I even had certain flights where I would bring cookies and gifts to the FA for birthdays and anniversaries. To hammer home the point, several of my flights on Continental, they ladies actually made me authentic burritos from home for me to eat. They would also play with me like and tell these stuffy suit, guys, that they wanted to kick me back to coach because of look at me. I am a jeans kind of free spirit guy and look at you Mr. 3 piece. They then would bring back the meal and their mouths would drop.
As a fun joke, I would actually split my flights between AA and Continental. I would do a joke … I would replace the inflight magazine with the other carrier and then tell the customer next to me … What San Jose? No way we are going to Hawaii baby. I would hear a groan from the FAs (god damn you Al).
So, the moral of the story was. I was alone, deeply, and darkly alone. I mean look at the mirror at 4 am after waking up and I said … why am I alive. Then I realized building a community of people would help me survive.
Some would say I was independent as hell, but committed, but loyal, but I was alone. You know what … I didn’t realize it then, but like you, my inner female goddess warrior was slaying the dragon while her male counterpart was dead on the battlefield. I never gave up. You are doing the same and that is “beautiful”.
You and so many others so very much deserve the equivalent masculine spirit whether pieced together with your husband's wifeys or a real mindful masculine man. I hope and wish this for you and every woman on your journey.
For those that might not know and that read this, Yael Wolfe is extremely talented in arts. You should see her newest creation and the book she made all herself. One of the things I felt, and it is ironic (really truly) that I kept looking around at the nicknacks on her wall. The warmth and light and said my this is exactly the spirit of a house where a woman is in charge, in love and safety, and all of that. If you look at her showing off her book, I was like this is the equivalent of what I saw with my sister when she said … Alan this is Emma you are her godfather.
So blah blah blah … why the reference to the quote?
I had a saying and now that I know I had sleep apnea (57 events an hour [those that don’t know … that means I stopped breathing that many times … if I had a choking fetish oh boy was an I happy boy]). I slept best in Marriott beds, and in fact when I moved to Texas. I bought the JW Marriott bed set, and did the Feng Shui thing for sleep.
My favorite thing was getting into my “room”, unpacking my stuff so I was at home and set up my computer, my speakers, and turn on chill music. I then pulled back the cold cool sheets, and slid my hot male body between them and felt the tightness and feel. I pushed each limb to a corner and sighed.
I am home for now and I can sleep. I got to say hi to the Admirals club people, got taken with some care and love, got a massage, laughed at people who threw temper tantrums, and now I sleep.
I am alone, but I am the king of my castle. While the queen goddess in my head watched over me while I slept.