It isn't easy. I have started the last battle of letting go of my traumas. This has been going on for about a month or so (I think), and this past week I started on the rape stuff.
You want to know about feeling dark and processing shit. Well that was this past week, so one of the things I was dealing with about the election stuff. Well that became easy peasy lemon squeezy.
It is hard as fuck and frankly. Interestingly enough the darkness is drawing me to other darknesses, but now I am aware.
So keep fighting it, I made it through my denial and numbness (frankly 20 plus years) and took five years to get to where I am now.
So I feel a lot, and then I see people acting horribly, and I have to ask myself. Gee, I hope there is real trauma behind that "temper tantrum", and if so I am sorry for having the thought. If not ... wow.
So keep your head up and keep on fighting, we all believe in you. You had value and light to everyone, so don't stop believing in you.