It sucks that you couldn’t push off way back when and said I am done, and I think you are right with the rough order of metrics. One guy will take advantage, one guy is undesirable so he won’t get a chance, and one guy will do you right in these areas.
Like I shared on a few of your other responses, I think you do need some space and time and need to talk and work through this. You are in pain and for that I feel a deep sadness for that.
Please take the space and get better. Your writing is excellent, and you are such a deep and sensitive person that should receive the best that life has to offer.