It was what was hard about trying to right a proper response. This view is 100% male centric and very objectifying. Objectifying enough that men would pay $$$ for non-sex act objectifying with horrible intent.
You are absolutely correct to have both parties engaged 100% as you describe requires trust, safety and consent and not a transactional view which is the icky part.
But do ask yourself (no need to answer it in public) …. where do you feel/believe you fit in looking across Americana with regards to sexual satisfaction and enjoyment. My view is it isn’t there (sexual orgasm gap between heterosexual couples is the basis of my belief).
To get what you need requires in a way for all guys to become feminist if you think about it.
Guys struggle with the communication and vulnerability and openness at the levels and length that women desire, want and need. Once that work is done, the physical strain on the guy to do the right and hard mental work will dull the usual spark that he may learned and felt in the past.
In the long term he will definitely come out ahead, but in the short and mid-terms he will fall short.
Experience based on:
When I worked through some of the issues personally and tackled this to deprogram myself of all past bad behaviors, while I never had an issue with consent … it did tank my flame and fire with my partner in the harshest way.
It did make me a helluva a lot more sensitive and caring, but once that switch was flipped (and I know the difference) the best view is it made me into a demisexual and it wasn’t easy with my partner who is very attractive since that matter a whole lot less and what she said with her mouth and how we communicated meant more.
My experience of course is probably not what most guys deal with so take it with a grain of salt.
As for your story :) I hope it does help you. Like I have stated I have quite a few kinks (I am a natural switch) and I love the consensual power play and role switching and touch/tease/denial/torment aspects because it is epically fun …. ;-) making a partner going from swearing like a mad trucker because she wants off “now” to laughing to crying in the good way in a day’s session is a beauitful thing … and then finishing last even better.
Be well and thank you for having this discussion .