Maybe state if you don’t have the confidence to do the coding, which is ok. How about taking a service job even if it offers minimum wage? If he was good with the children, day care?
Giving options is better then forcing him into an all-or-nothing situation.
I do sense there are some self esteem issues there, and in today’s society and gender assumptions guys are built differently and have a harder time around confidence.
The point I believe is more than just money, it is about having a partner that is fighting the fight with you. I can bet dollars to donuts he feels pretty low as a human being so be careful in pushing.