Josephine Hollandbeck Men need to have a reason to believe society is worthy of doing the hard thing. In the past, it was the milestones of providing for a family and children. The things they couldn’t process, they used patriarchal systems of hierarchy to trust or religion to leap.
Now with the dismantling of the patriarchal systems (some not all), a lot of that is gone. So women rightfully are opting out of those men and using the same transactional methods men have used on them. Men don’t like the taste, so, in turn, they are opting out of it all, and walking away in some cases, or revealing their internal trauma through rage and hate.
Men have given up, and now it is about satisfying their needs while waiting for the shoe to drop (death).
tl;dr — — What I used to write the concise-ish comment to your question above.
I have observed, learned, and grew as a man to realize the way out of internalized fear and pain with real trauma (#metoo) is through talking openly and being vulnerable in a community. One has to have words to vent the pain, the trauma, which then allows the demon inside a person to be weakened and disempowered.
The therapy is not something that can be once and done; it is something that takes multiple weeks and months and continues even after one is somewhat healed.
We all solve issues with the paradigm and the assumptions of our past. Women in general (trying not to label), presume men have a community similar to women. Men don’t. The same fear that women have from men are the same ones men have of men, and now in society with women achieving equality (yeah good thing go girl!), men translate this as women equal men. Secondly, men feel broken. Women have the power to give life biologically and take to it. Men only have the power to take life, and the ability to give life is abstractly based.
Patriarchal systems rely on women’s emotional labor to help satiate the beast (not a good thing), and now that is gone. So you have men with limited to no way to communicate effectively (think 5th-grade level being the peak capability) in a world of women with University degrees due to being able to need to protect themselves. I would even say non-toxic femininity based women (Karens) are all PhDs and those with are high school level, which still is far superior to men.
So each hit mentally bounced not out the mouth back into the soul, and when it does come out, it is horrible in ways that says do you hear what you are saying?
Men do bond, but then it comes at the expense of women (bro-culture). This helps men feel better, but it builds patterns that are not healthy and viola, we have a hot mess.
There are Ted talks from leading feminists that talk to how boys are dropping out left and right because they lack male role models because the school “feels” toxic to their gender due to differences.
Why I bring this up is because this generational pattern has been repeated over and over since the 1990s when schools rightly started pushing girl power. There is no doubt in my mind this was necessary, but does one know what happened for boys? Zero. Only when boys started using WMDs in school, did people care, and was it for the boys? No, it was for their safety and children. It became readily apparent when you had a teenage boy replicating the same things a middle-aged man who had everything the secular society said was a success (Las Vegas shooter).
Fast forward to where every swan is a black swan, a.k.a 2020. Men who were dropped hard from the Great Recession combined with everything else due to free trade and outsourcing now are bundled together in a tower of rage.
Sadly, the only firewall between them losing it and keeping their sanity is a man who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
So how does a biological male who can’t see beyond his rage when he wakes up with no outlet, help productively a woman who is smarter, more driven, fiercely independent but screwed over by life. He doesn’t because he can’t see past his own trauma demon.
I know this because being raped and abused by a female babysitter, and the booze and life taught me the other side women feel. It took my parents and partner in 2015 asking are you happy (which of course in my mask I said yeah baby life is great, while I got off an AA flight with a Starbucks mug filled with a Manhatten). They then said why are you trying to kill yourself.
I then did the therapy and worked hard and exposed my self to everything I feared. I became a feminist, and I read up on feminism “Every day.” I also read up on race, and I work on being a partner to women as human beings and take joy in their success.
Why? Because I made my goal to base my “superpowers” on kindness and empathy to become a sacred and mindfully masculine man. I write poetry to handle urges and surges, work out my issues, and I talk to my partner and women, and am vulnerable.
Men need to do this ASAP if we are to survive as a society. Until then, women should learn self-defense, carry a gun if they don’t feel safe. Be very guarded around men, but if you find men worthy of attention, make sure it is noted and shown that they are supported and held up. So other boys and men who are quiet and meek see that liberated and powerful women desire that kind of masculinity, and these men get the best joys of life. Humanity.
I am a fighter and lover of women. I love women; as such, I fight for them and respect them and give them the help they need to fight their demons by themselves and not kill their demons for them. Once that is done, and they can turn back and look and love and help me in return.
If I see a man trying to blindside them, trust me, I will open up my dark abyss on that guy to protect, but when she turns and is ready to fight, we both fight side-by-side. The problem is there are very few guys that do this
I apologize for the length, but I walked this path and destroyed the toxic masculinity in me, and purged the elements around me. As such, I have a lot of experience in this tale as a biological male who fought the demons, without hurting women outside of some sad tales of mansplaining.
Be well an thank you for taking the time to read, I appreciate it. If you need some uplift, I have written poetry with love and desire, for to battle the pain, I used love and desire in equal amounts.