My cheap seat view is if the original contract has been violated, it is time to renegotiate the terms.

That is the thing with marriage I don't think people get. It is whatever two people want it to be.

If you have unmet intimacy needs that your husband can't meet, especially in areas where trust is involved.

A discussion needs to be had.

If cheating goes against your personal ethos and redline, and that means all of the ownership of taking care of your needs and intimacy falls on your partner.

He needs to realize that he owns this and has to deliver and if he can't. Then he needs to realize his privilege is done and gone. He blew his "load" per se, already.

As for you if it isn't a redline, then terms around open relationships need to be had.

If you believe in equality and power balances, you need to tell him that you want to have the experience of open love, and he has to hold off and understand how it feels to be an unconsented cuckold.

He should be made to hear about it all and understand he has to listen and he may speak to his feelings but he can't pass judgement.

Tell him he owns the romance and partnership cards and it is his to lose, but he needs to understand that your physical intimacies are in play.

My cheap seats view ... take it or leave it. Know I don't judge whatever you pick as you do you and know you are awesome!

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.