My share from last year.

#metoo So, what do you say to a guy that could military press 325, bench press 375, and squat 1150 7 times? Strength was never a problem, I had been knocked out before and knocked people out in many fights. So I drank a lot smoked a lot more and crashed on a so called friend couch … Big mistake.

Came to a a feeling like a knife and a sharp pain, and some very uncomfortable pressure to some dude pounding away … WTF is this, ow and I was able to shift him off … Pain is still there … Fuck that doesn’t feel good … I feel dazed he grabs me by the balls and tries to flip me back over … I throw a punch and connect where I have no clue. I stagger up focus and punch him hard as I can and get him in the face … The punch was strong enough to knock him back. I found out later I broke his nose. Stagger home and crash, and I wake up the next day sorry as hell thinking it was a fucked up dream. Then I realized it wasn’t when I saw the blood in my boxers and crusted blood down my leg. I held that in and shared that with no one sober until just last year. That was 22 years.

I use humor to deal with stress, and it usually can be at the worst possible time and way … But my running joke to myself was oh goodie I had my first period. Why did I say something nasty as fuck to myself? Because no matter how many girls I had bedded after that , the threesome’s and anything else in between I never felt like a real man. Because who the fuck would let that happen to them? The joke also was wrapped around the fact that I no had problems performing the next night with my soon to be ex … Who then asked are you gay or something …. The twisted mess to that was the fact she was majoring in woman’s studies … So, I got in a committed relationship and basically worked stupid hours, ate a lot of food, and used the bottle as my therapy. It was common on my trips to finish off two bottles of bourbon at restaurants I would frequent during the week and copious little bottles to numb the pain. My partner and my parents came to me in 2015 and asked what was wrong … As they were worried that I would burn out … And from there I started to deal … That is my sordid story.

I hope this is the last time I ever talk about this, as I am done with feeling numb and dead and need to move on …. It happens far more often to women, men can get fucked up too, and it isn’t about kinks or sex … It is about power and domination of the most fucked up kind. If you are a guy, do find someone to talk too … You can’t sort this shit alone. I tried and failed … But through failure I found peace. Just earlier this year I am now able to sleep or nap on my stomach, I feel I can trust a male doctor, and I feel normal.

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

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