My view is you loved, desired, and wanted all of him, and your love was so great it echoed out of you into him and back to you mixed with his raw desire.

He did lie because it wasn’t love but lust after your experience and novelty.

I am very much sad and heart broken that you were objectified and hurt at this deep.

Do know I truly do understand how the pain feels, and I wouldn’t wish it on an enemy. You deserve the sun, moon, and stars and the fact you have beaten yourself up for years is giving him a power he doesn’t deserve since he trashed the exquisite gift of your beauty, intelligence, and love.

Be well, and I know your writing has to be taking a toll on you. Make sure you find and love yourself as you eject the venom from others from your soul, because you are an amazing human being. If I were unpartnered or had a relationship that was open, I would count my blessings of your time as documented through your writing.