Note: I do not have kids.

I suggest you continue to have him talk and listen but don't judge. Don't let him shutdown, but you also shouldn't take 100% of the burden of child care.

State I know you hate it, but I can't do this all by myself. I need your help and if you don't love being a father, can you try to love me by helping me out with our child.

What you went through is hard, so he may have had built up expectations and when the bubble was burst and he saw the work involved, then the real reality of life hit.

Don't let the hate fester. That will lead to an ending of it all.