Do more men than women commit suicide?
Drug Addictions numbers?
Shall we talk about the plight of black men in our society?
One can find plenty of examples where men are scarred, but due to patriarchal assumptions, are required by society to "man up" and shut up and sit down and deal in silence.
The premise you talk to is about who the biggest victim is and whomever has the biggest scar and damage wins the game.
The reality is the loss of innocence in our hard world where girls and boys are assaulted sexually, mentally, and physically day in and day out, is an issue where gender knows no bound.
E.g. did you know my first trauma was at the hands of a female babysitter, where I consented to being beaten in private areas, and then manipulated to excitement over and over while tied to a chair?
Or do I go into the extreme shaming I received from my girlfriend (at the time) who stated I was gay and asked for it because I was passed out on a couch and getting assaulted.
Some folks will attempt to quantify that well it happened to both of them assault on their mental capabilities and what not so they are absolved of their sins of treating a person badly, poorly ,etc.
It falls into the same logic path as an alcoholic who gets excessively drunk and harms someone with a car. Well, the booze made me do it so I am not complicit.
But in the end, as you call out feminism was born from women fighting for equal rights for women equivalent to men in a patriarchal society. It is the start of a conversation, but in the tail end because of gender one has to prove that they were harmed this ending the conversation of equality for the sexes at the gate of women achieving parity.
If we use advanced education and in some industries with labor participation, equality has been achieved. The work is done. (Now I know this is not the case at all), but now we are in the revenge portion of this battle of awful in America where people feel justified either due to the pain of the past or the pain of the present. We just have to wait out the push out of the baby boom generation, and women given degrees and work will usurp men.
Then what? A majority of men (unlike myself) don't believe feminism is for them, and now they will use the proof of academia and other aspects to prove the statement true.
What will rise up from this? More advanced and nasty version of MGTOW and incels, and a flip statement that will come and say. The data points to show this is the drop out rate for boys in a highly dominated sector of education. Boys don't feel safe so they turn inward and become destructive as time goes on.
No one wins the my scar is worse then yours, and we can do better in dealing with this. Do we really want the equality of the low road or the high road, because to reach the high road it requires both genders working together to fix the ills of both sides.