On my personal journey, from abuse as a child I was trained that hand jobs and oral were only associated with pain. So the problem was imagine being a young boy feeling that tingle and not knowing how to remove the feelings and stress.

Then one day when fantasizing what I later learned was BDSM and female dominance (the abuser was a female babysitter), I learned prone masturbation and hot damn it tingled, it hurt a little bit but the feeling was amazing.

Then of course being raised in a very traditional household (very), to know this was bad amp'd up the guilt and shame. Toss in Catholicism ... hello world.

I do agree with you I wish that we taught that self love and consent was the most important. That natural relationships with love and sex would be marked as PG-13 on TV, versus the violence that is allowed (e.g. keep an eye out on ratings and you will see violence is allowed for younger audiences but sex and nudity is TV-MA).

If I lived in that world, I could have been honest and open and dealt with my trauma. I would have gauged relationships better and maybe learned how to enjoy self love without guilt or shame.

God help you if you are what society deems you as attractive too ... because the extra eyes and attention can thought positive can amp up the damage without people realizing it.

(i.e. hypersexualiation, objectification, extreme fetishes etc).

Congratulations on liberating your soul Claire. I like you fight demons of despair. I wish love and peace and lover or three too, if none occur make love to yourself because you are very special too.

Be well your friend from a distance.