One needs to understand the techniques as a tool not a way of life, but that (if I use a cis binary patriarchal view) separates the men from the boys.

Another writer in another place made me remember a story of one woman was with a long time ago.

We went back from the bar, we started to have sex, and she went into starfish mode. I stopped and she was confused. I stated if you weren't "into it", what could I do to make her feel better. If she was uncomfortable sharing (I mean we just met), then lets just sleep together and talk in the morning, and I would be more then happy to pleasure her.

I did and she got even more confused when I didn't get off. We did this again, same repeat but I woke up to some fun oral. The 3rd time we did have sex and she cried hard. I thought I did something wrong, but later in life I figured out I did something right.

If I had the tools I had now with therapy, I can only imagine how that relationship could have been. But for those that have access to it and that make their lives being "precise" about it and going down a rabbit hole, just realize you just love the anxiety porn ... which means no fun times for you.

Great write up as always!