One shouldn't have sex and intimacy fun without talking. Is it hard and uncomfortable? Yes. If two people find themselves attracted to each other, it becomes an imperative if they truly want each other to talk.

Is it scary AF? Yes. The thing is one should set the redlines/boundaries, and they need to be serious, but one should also delete the expectation within themselves.

E.g. See the man that is average and there is a connection, but wonder why the zing isn't as great as with that alpha stud three bar stools over?

Connect, talk and actively listen. Then when the areas of intimacy come up make sure you talk to your preferences and listen to his/her. You know maybe by that communication, he will want to make modifications and improvements in his life. The chance and ability to be with a star mate, may make him have "boy power" and turn that into manly yum for you.

Contracts as you have talked to formally should be around the hard redlines that should not be violated. Be clear, be concise and if a person is approaching them give warning like a train on a railroad track.

You are right patterns and intent matter big time. If you have to toot your horn because a person wants to go over the tracks every day .... that can be as bad as some that drives over them.

There is your happiness, there is the other person's happiness, but the reality is folks need to discuss how to make the child called the relationship "happy" not sad.