Really good relationships always have honesty and boundaries and transparency.
Should we be in the position where your situation appears to be rare or unique? No.
Should people get a reward for adulting up and parenting and carrying the burden equally in a relationship which may or may not have children?
Are there are "fuck-ton" of genderized assumptions which hurt each side of the heteronormative dance?
Would I personal respond with the equivalent tit-for-tat from her response?
Probably not, but she hurt you and if she apologized for having this hurtful bias and you two moved on, then great! One has a stronger and better relationship.
What you will see and others will observe on a charged topic like this is how much trauma and baggage one brings to the table, and both genders have this in heaping buckets.
It will turn into a "I have more scars and they are deeper and hurt more then you" tit-for-tat fight, which will devolve into being paralyzed. This is never the solution or situation.
It is a rough go no matter how you deal with it. In my household, I do all the cleaning, dishes, laundry, and a lot of times I do the grocery shopping. I am also the primary breadwinner while I support my partner in her business which never seems to make a profit ever.
In a funny ha-ha irony comment, my partner (a woman) came in and boasted see I did the laundry. Her version of doing the laundry is putting it into the washer and forgetting to put it into the dryer "or" never taking it out of the dryer.
My response (which may make you laugh), was ... you did it twice this year. For 6 weeks when our washer was busted I hauled to a laundromat what was 10 loads a week along with doing it here.
So thank you for your hard work.
Life is full of ironic twists and fun things, but if it didn't we would be bored right!