Sex should be more than 360 seconds of engagement in an 86,400 second day. If the woman is on top, then the roles reverse slightly, and the man should be the seducer and foreplay artist so one might presume 1-2x the time is spent before. The thing is if a guy is going to get zonked out after, then the time spent for cuddling needs to be given in advance. Also, during the day he better make sure to show that affection.

Now if a woman's preferences are to submit and be dominated down vanilla style, then the seduction and foreplay will need to balance out. Of course, the male partner better makes sure that foreplay is done and love is made, but the owner of the seduction dance falls on the woman.

Just because she has the keys to the golden playland, she has to earn the right to play with the man's toys and heart and mind too.

Consent and equality are necessary always, so there should always be some mix up for things to stay fresh. My view is if one is going to stick to a vanilla style of making love/intimacy, there should be some kind of random setup. Two with him on top, one with her on top... and mix things up.

You are exactly right, men should take care of their health and well being. But honestly getting ED pills isn't as easy as it seems. They don't hand them out like candy and a man has to have a GP. Care to guess how many actually have a GP and go to annual physicals?

Let me tell you not many. How I know this is that when I go through unless the man's job requires he goes, the only men one sees in the doctor's office are those near end of life. In fact, my female doctor asked if she could use some of my data for a study because she and her doctor friends don't have any middle-aged men (especially white) to work with.

Stop and think about that. Now, this is where the color of the skin doesn't matter because both black and white men are prideful ... too bad it is in the wrong area.

To get a prescription of generic ED meds is $400 (generic) a bottle for 60 pills at 20mg each. Most men need 60-80mg to work. You do the math, and BTW insurance plans don't cover this.

Also, for quite a few men, the headaches from the pills are not fun. There are side effects and they aren't truly "safe". They are meant for patients with cardio heart conditions, and if a man needs it he needs to go to a doctor as he is one step away from walking down the 6' deep hole path.

The answer is simple .... exercise.

That isn't the whole answer though, because the real answer is:


As more men pick up the workload of life (good for women and men), and I see women are seeing it. They see some of the stress of life going away with the shared partnership as needed for equality between men and women.

The thing is men don't share and talk about non-sex related issues. So the stresses mount, and it can be seen in areas you call out. For black men, it is infinitely worse due to systemic racism as it adds a multiplier too it. But do understand white men have the same stress levels just in different areas.

For women such as your self then the next level of frustration will hit, what to do when men drop left and right and there are few left. Intimacy sucks, people are thirsty and hungry, and folks start to ask WTF is this all about.

It happens across the spectrum. Think about Cheryl Sandburg who had it all (Lean in and feminist), and her husband dropped on a treadmill in middle age.

If your loved one (man) tanks are low, he has to use food, booze or has given up (lethargy), then that should be a sign of an impending collapse coming.

It is sad if you think about it. Women fight, own it, and have achieved the levels in life they desire. Look around and watch the men in their lives drop left and right and the ones that are left are so wounded it breaks the hearts.

Women have evolved wonderfully, we need to figure out how to help men do the same. Just remember every ounce of pain that a woman can project and share with her sisters, most men have to do it as a silent scream in their heads ...




Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

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Alan Tegel

Alan Tegel

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

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