Yael Wolfe Such an important article for men to read about the silent damage done to another.
Part of the reason, I have decided to tackle the control of the "urges" just as women have done (since well since they first became aware), is that I care for myself and for the women I care for so very much.
Having survived abuse and assault doesn't give me a free pass on acting or behaving badly. It just means I have extra perspectives that can either be used to help or harm worse.
If one uses a video game (I don't play games), it would be like a war game where you drop an elite team or remains invisible behind enemy lines to chart the area, soften and weaken the area, and when the main invasion happens ... boom strikes into action.
Who actually is more diabolical? Those that educate and those that are meant to help.
So my bartender/barista view on this with a psyche certificate or training (please see one if you are still deeply troubled), is that because he was highly trained and his packaging was safe and there was no threat to harm. You felt loss deeper.
My experience/anecdotal view on this? As I tore down the stoic walls around my "glass boy" and was left with the symbolism of two warriors (male and female), a pandora box, and a "Red door" with a golden lock/key, it made me have to feel and learn to use all the switches and knobs of emotion in my being.
For you interacting with what you deeply desire (your missing puzzle pieces or masculine spirit (note biology doesn't have to line up with the spirit), has made it hard to run the controls that make you feel. So while you are vastly better and stronger and more whole as a person then I, we are still similar.
So your feeling "I want you gone from my memory", I have those too in bounty. You know where I put them? In my Pandora's box with the rape and abuse, and I have the stoic wall controlled by the feminine warrior to hold back the anger and rage of the Dark Abyss, which I don't empower.
That is how I managed my pain and loss, and it is the elements behind my fight for my masculinity. It took me 5 years and therapy (still go to some when I am running thin) to get to where I am now.
I post a bit on your readings, because I see and feel exactly the pain you feel and live. I know the road and my empathic and kindness in masculinity (see masculine kindness) is what reaches out with platonic love to you to help you fight the battles.
The hard part on my area is I am in a long term damaged relationship that I am a large cause of the pain by my actions for not processing severe trauma. So I look for female north stars on my walkabout, to know I want my partner to be like this, and if the door in her soul (her glass girl) is gone forever, then I know it is up to me to end it, but not before one last battle to gain consent in. To me that day is coming and I am preparing for it, so I either win or I am ready to process the loss, and be ready to find the next soulmate and oh boy she/they better watch out.
For I remember every mistake I made and I am going to make sure I am the opposite of every man that is out there "and" all that is seen is the positive parts of my masculinity and her "inner sapphic" desires will love my female warrior from within me, because she is exotic and tough and kick ass (since she kicks the ass of the male warrrior in me "every day" :)