Sweet Jesus, people believe that they are being sensitive when they say this, but don't realizing they are basically gaslighting the person and even worse siding the abuser.
If a person close to me was in this situation, I would ask, "Does he make you happy and what does he do to earn your love and trust."
I would also state (even before this question), want to go get coffee, take a trip to a day spa and have a meal? How are you doing, how is work etc, then state if there is anything you need or if you need someone to talk to when you are hurting ... Talk to me I am here to listen.
For guys this will be a foreign concept, why? They don't fear their life, they don't fear that they will be seen as a rejected person not worthy of love.
Thank you for unpacking what had to be the most horrible thing in your life to help educate those that don't get it.
Your profile makes me chuckle, when I see it .. . uglitarian ... the fact you crafted such an amazing word shows the imagination and color and depth of your thinking.
Be well and congratulations for surviving your hot mess of the past. You rock!