Thank you. You helped define something that has alluded me for years now. I have met these women before and several of them wrapped their beliefs in "causes", while being toxic and horrible people.
One of my favorite responses was just because you were raped you don't understand because you are a haven.
Some women have tremendous hearts and love wrapped in horrible expectations turned into walls so thick it is beyond scary and sad. These are the women who have given up.
Other women who lack good intent and love turn their trauma and hate and walls outwards and embrace their demons and match the thing they both desire and hate the most. They become men and fight exactly like a red pill infused incel. They window dress it under "causes" fighting evil (racism, sexism, etc) and project what they fear and see evil in everything they do. Common traits I have seen are being advocates when they should be allies and executing doublespeak. The ironic thing is I have seen women that fall into this trap actually maintain some interactions with men, which befuddled me but I am sure their is a logic to it that I can't understand.
You are absolutely correct therapy is needed, and for those without good intent the road is harder and longer to get to the place.
Outside of fighting their trauma and demons, comes to figuring out how to break away from the fantasies they have built around what masculinity is and should be. Men like women are human beings too. Highly flawed and damaged and healed with their own personal hellscapes that we all have.
Should their be boundaries? You betcha, but one needs to learn the fine line between fantastical expectations and hard realities. We all need to be honest, we all grade ourselves in our society whether by money, looks, jobs, and personality types. Everyone at some level has some privilege over another, but we are usually blind to it.
As for femcel's the first thing that the need to do with therapy is step away from the "sisterhood" a bit and try to engage men in safe groups where you can. Take microdoses of masculinity and see men for the human beings they are. It is infinitely harder from women trying to do this with men, because men do not have common groups like women have. It is a fatal issue for quite a few men.
The other thing just like women have been calling out for men to do. They need to learn to accept and deal with rejection. They need to take their thick walls and transform themselves into thick skins in return.
It is the true cost of equality. I as a man have learned this lesson that the package is not everything. Looks provides you the entrance to the relationship dance, but it does not guarantee a great experience at the relationships tango, the comfort and sweet tastes that one can have, nor will it make anything last. In fact, it can provide the reverse, as it can make people stay with a dance partner that is ill suited for them because the looks are just that great.
So it creates it's own false trap. If we take a modern day show "Handmaiden's Tale". Look at what happened when Aunt Lydie takes a shot with another man who actually cares for her, likes her deeply, and they end up back at her place. She makes advances which he is not ready to consent, and she feels rejected and becomes the sargent of the ultimate patriarchy (Gilead).
As for yourself, you writing and intelligence is top notch. It makes you a "10" from an intelligent humanbeing (at least from my male POV).