Thank you for taking the time to describe your anger, distrust, distaste and melancholy with the state of masculinity.

The core issue though is women are taking the lead in this and dominating the discussion, and as such men in general tune out, shut down, walk away, or of you are lucky troll back.

Why? Well, there are no forums, no general support groups, no bonding reasons for men to aggregate together, because when it is done you get exactly what you are seeing right now.

Folks will say get therapy and own your shit!!! Of course that is the real thing that needs to be done, but when most guys don’t even have a GP or see one until major health issues do you think psychotherapy is going to happen ( probably not ).

So messages like this if they get passed around will always be taken as toxic and meddling instead of seeing the push back and testing that women executed on themselves and each other all the time. Men have no such comraderie … if it is it is around violent game play, competitive sports, or in pursuit of women, money toys or other things.

So, since men still are today taught fight, flight, fuck and anger and horniess are the only the acceptable emotions …. Stoicism rules the day.

So women yell “hey fuckers” we hate that you did X, men don’t know how to process.

Remember men especially those under the age of 30 are working through gender relations at a middle to high School level, while women are in college and graduate level. Why? Because of physical dominance and biological difference which forced women to deal from a bad position.

Now you have a lot of the patriarchal structures torn down which is a good thing, but now men have zero structures and now it is a Lord of the Flies scenario.

Gen X/Y/Z men are all in this boat, and given women have zero knowledge due to stoicism of what is going on with men, just know that where women have the biological ability to create and build the depth and warmth of life, men only in general deal with loss and rejection on a large hormonal scale. Men know they can use hormones as an excuse ever, but that still doesn’t come close to the emotional and mental anguish that the surges come to. Women from what has been shared do get a small taste with the urge for reproduction in life so there is that but the time lines are off. As for the rejection the best example can give for boys 8–12 to 30 is that of a cis female in a heterosexual relationship who gets really into sex withe her male partner, and as that happens his sexual desire drops off a cliff.

So do keep writing and talking and hopefully those that negatively push back don’t take it personally (i.e. ignore the words toxic like women ignore when a man calls them far/unattractive) and listen to what is being said

Folks will know things are getting better when men are the ones writing about this stuff instead of women, but if it isn’t happening the do realize the status quo will reign.

Do we all deserve better? You betcha, but until people can Quantum Leap in each other’s shoes like Sam Beckett, the only way out is through active listening and group participation where people feel they can talk.

Right now men don’t trust society or women to do that now. So booze, drugs games sports porn fill that void ….

Be well …

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store