Thanks for the article forward.
I was shopping at a Walmart for groceries because my partner was sacked out dealing with farm work, and I was unable to work because my internet (I run my own 5g) was being worked on / upgraded.
I see a father and son shopping (father in a wheel chair). They were taking up literally a full aisle, and while being patient (30 seconds for them to move) the father moved ahead. While grumbling (thankfully not being seen due to my mask) to myself the father moved forward. I slide quickly around and to the eggs.
Apparently the father was too lazy (my initial presumption) to get up and the teenage boy was not smart/experienced enough to shop for eggs. I saw him watching me go through cartons, and the kid started going farther in and I went back for a second batch I was like no it is ok … I have a mask and you can start to look for ok cartons. At that point the father got up and walked over and started to parent and help.
I moved on. It didn’t hit me until reading this at the hierarchy at play and the examples as you succinctly called out with references.
I hope my positive enforcement based on being competent helped both of them, and if they asked I am the one that does the laundry and dishes in the house and no I don’t need an award. I have tried to cook (and well lets say my partner ends up throwing away the food), but I still try.
As a look back I see how my traditional upbringing affected me, because I should be able to cook and do all of the things competently as an adult, so I know to be thankful that I have a partner that has been patient enough since I acted like a child in some areas.
Should women deal with this shit anymore? No. Are the systems awful in what they do to men? Yes. If guys knew how much they are hurting themselves, they would definitely stop doing so.
On the plus side I surprised my partner with a steak dinner and a birthday cake. Though as I posted on my personal facebook feed, I now realize that flour “is very important to use” when greasing the pan …..
I have other examples (obviously), but the oversharing/sharing is not necessary (since yes you are right with your observations).