Thanks for your perspective! I wish I had this tidbit when I was younger, but sadly I took the work like a dog approach to a life. I have been in a relationship, but I look back and realized I could have been better (and should have been). I do have real reasons for not (rape) and a bunch of other things, but this article is wise beyond years for guys.

I know if I had a time machine this would be one of the tidbits I would have thrown back, including a totally open and honest approach to life. That is share how you actually feel no matter what the consequences. There are of course things that should be reserved for someone that you are more intimate with and only then. For guys, I would suggest if it is “sexual” nature, then the first questions to start with would be what are your thoughts on pornography and what are your preferences, but that isn’t something you talk about until you have had a few meetings and have talked.

If they are repulsed (or you get the same reaction over and over), then you should reflect on your desires and needs and figure out why how and what and take it from there. Your needs and expectations may be so edge or so wrong then you need to figure out why, how, or what makes you drive that way.

If she is into you and likes you and vice versa she will want to talk to you and take things further. Women have more to lose in the dating and mating experience, so guys need to understand that they should feel lucky they are willing to listen, talk and give you an opening. That doesn’t mean the power is always in “their” hands, just that some sense of respect should be given and respect comes with being honest and open and sharing what you feel.

From there if things are good you build and grow something together whether for 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or forever until things either gel nicely (or don’t).

I read somewhere women are like the ocean and men are like the ship on the ocean. They are vast, deep and full of experiences and wonder. Men have the energy and focus to drive through and enjoy and provide and to ride the wave. However, some women are the pacific ocean, and others are that very shallow creek in the backwoods you want to avoid. You need to be smart enough to know when to set sail and when to stop and say no.

So I am glad to see you are posting (though I have been swamped in life), and you seem happier and healthier. I also agree, if you desire a child, you should do it as it is a critically important life event, I know I wish I had ventured down the path with. I have a friend who did the same thing in the greater upper northwest and she is an unbelievable beautiful, smart and fantastic woman and she loves her little girl with everything …

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.