Thanks to an awesome therapist, I realized something critically important before I put the abuse by a female babysitter (she was 14-16, I was ~7-8).

I found my desire to pleasure and take care of my female partner has been always there as the first thing to do with intimacy. I believe you can see it in my poems and more so in my erotic ones.

Later when starting to unpack the rape I had in college (male on male), my question was not about anger but "why".

I am taking away from that the desire with consent, respect, and love what it would feel like to be taken by my female partner.

The other fun thing I learned is how the body and mind uses sex, pleasure, etc to thread around hate and pain and darkness to neutralize it.

I wish I had done this earlier, but then on the flip side would have I met awesome people like you and so many others on medium? Probably not.

Be well ... and enjoy the cooling from the hot Texas heat!

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.