The fact you are actually playing and enjoying BDSM with him in a role you are good enough. You far exceed what most women are willing to do so give yourself an A+

My advice for you since his pain tolerance is higher than yours. You are actually lucky. Want to know why?

You can go full force on him with everything you got, and if he doesn't break that is great. Don't let mental walls keep you from pushing harder. Talk to him and set the scene and push the limits.

If it is a physical limitation that is ok too. Weight training for women is a superb thing to do. Do the 100 push ups a day for 100 days, exercise and weight train and hell do it together.

Then as you push yourself look at him after look at him and tell him. You want to know why I am exercising like this. I want the muscles and strength to see if I can break you (consensually)

Step back and watch the look in his eyes.

Men amongst men since the beginning of time have used fights and grappling one-on-one to communicate with one another. This is the non-vocal thing men do together.

The thing is women have the same masculine spirit inside, so you should embrace it.

If causing him pain causes you mental anguish, then play a game with yourself. Pretend the way to ensure his loyalty stays true no matter realize you have to break him physically with pain. On the flip side, you can even play a game where the person that breaks first gets to choose how to play the BDSM or sex game of choice on the next iteration.

He desires this as much as you, so embrace it.

I am a natural switch so I get this. My comment would be to a partner that partakes .... I lead you follow .... even in pain and dominance.

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.