Alan Tegel
2 min readJul 23, 2020


This article explained so well something I knew was wrong, and also explained a core issue that was in my parents relationship that I couldn't quantify.

The White Knight issue.

I know this backward thinking hurt me in a few relationships along the way of fixing me.

So this is perfect on so many levels, so now it allows me to see a bit more clearly what my partner and where a lot of my other relationships went wrong.

My ability to parrot back from the whole learning experience is this.

If a woman desires protection and comfort is being she wants to temporarily outsource, but only after she is tapped out and needs help. If this happens, if we are in each other's presence, I should look as this as a signal that I need to pay better and more attention.

I should look out and figure out how to provide her the resources and help to be all she can be, and then just step back. Be there, just actively listening, not actively "doing", which is a large leap for guys.

If your new partner needs this, then it is a signal that you should be careful as a man. Since she has serious issues to resolve and the emotional labor maybe to great to have a meaningful relationship.

Now if one enjoys the sweet taste of toxic codependency (think antifreeze sweet), drink on just know your aren't long for this world ....

This is probably one of the best articles I have seen tackling this issue. Well at least for me and my man brain :)



Alan Tegel

Lover of people, Texas Feminist Liberal Democrat, Horse Farm, High Tech Gadget ENFP Guy, and someone who appreciates the struggle of women and wants to help.