This is the sad state of affairs of equality. Men (even myself) do not have the skills or experience of handling the Sadie Hawkins induced role reversal of traditionalism. The apps have provided a view of what happens what guys are sadly experienced with with some women in a heterosexual dance.
Is it right? No. The key thing I have found in travels has been finding people who know how to change being human into being a human person.
In today’s life and society people have become so jaded that to say hi and how are you today turns into thoughts of sexual expression. This can happen now more openly between two guys also given an opening up( good thing btw) so now guys are shutting down.
Your sad example I believe is a negative unexpected consequence of me too. Now don’t take it as because women should feel safe they shouldn’t expect to be asked out or have civility in dating. My point is given men have very few tools and coping methods to deal with emotional issues, it is a fight or flight response. The parallel dating trend you see IMO supports that since where women are willing and empowered to go feet in communication men are only willing to go inches.
I believe this all comes down to vulnerability in men. IMO, if men saw in signaling from women that they have increased chances for sex and partners they really desire based upon being good and strong men but not toxic “and” being vulnerable, this trend would go away. But instead we have quite a bit of the patriarchal machinery still in place and men have been told not to trust the system not support it, so the end result is to step away.
Do not I do not personally support this, and this is just an observation of looking at it from a traditional view, as a newly born feminist, and from a person who dealt with trauma and also getting hit on by homosexual men and trans women. Do to the trauma I never had the confidence in my looks, but I have been told by friends and others later I was desirable, but … they waited for me to make the first move …
I chuckle since I am a 70s baby when I should have either been born in this decade of the 1940s to click well … c’est la vie.
Good luck on your hunt, and don’t stop trying. You are in better shape asking and pushing forward and in control then being passive. You appear to be a smart, articulate, and savvy person who would definitely be fun to have coffee, dinner and drinks with ( based upon your writing which I see as a window into the sould of you).