Unless it is in an SM role play where it was talked to prior, I don't understand how a man can take joy from seeing a woman tear up, or cause her to gag or lose breath.
I have seen guys (in my past do this), and if they were in a place to see my face I would crinkle up my eyes and tilt my head that would say "dude really?"
Now to be fair to other guys, I don't have the experience of ever orgasming from oral. So I don't know how I would respond to wanting to thrust up like I would in PIV, but knowing so I would not grab my partners head and shove down (unless she told me prior to do it).
It is just a damn foreign thing to me I don't get it.
Just like I don't get dick pics, but that is another topic for another time.
As for women who have a partner that acts like this and you are bonded to them. I suggest you engage in some bondage. Then tell him you have a fantasy of seeing a guy choke on a cock, but tell him after he is tied down.
Then place all of your weight on his chest and shoulder and then do exactly the same thing he has done to you.
If he acts like a dick, say ... should I tell you about my other fantasy of watching this go up and into a guy? You better open up so it is lubed up my love.
Then say I don't understand why you don't love me.
Maybe then and only then a guy might understand how much of a dick he is being.
Thank you for taking the time to share about the fact that some women have to handle being raped orally by the ones that should love and trust and care for their partners ... not assault them.