… sexual harassment and assault is not about vilifying and attacking boys and men nor excusing them. It is, however, about redefining models of manhood and moving towards a healthier sexual status quo. This shift could, in turn, instill a palpable sense of responsibility in the public consciousness o…
We need male and female leaders to help define a path and process. Then the male leaders of the 1/2 can then step down into a place where men can rebaseline their masculinity amongst the company of men to slowly be reintroduced the positive aspects and how to manage the negative ones effectively.
Do note this just not be fully segregated for the whole process of this improving the mindfulness of men. At a deep level, men need to build the trust and infrastructure to feel safe with one another.
This means that moderating sexuality and desire and not killing or culling it is necessary, but also to realize that while there is a competition for another's heart, it should be wrapped in desire and affection and service, and conversely, he should feel the same in return by an equal partner who does so.
It also means showing love and care for another man doesn't reflect upon a man's sexuality. Showing compassion should not mean one does not prefer a particular gender as it can and does happen today. It should be celebrated and if people do truly love one another and those hidden sparks work great, but conversely, one should not fear the labels that happen. Conversely, men should not attack with jealous another who has the attention and desire of what he desires too
You are correct, we have had to use a criminal framework because society even in 2020 has spent all of it's spare social and cash currency on dealing with the effects of violence and affirming women(which should be done) to always be equal (again 3 cheers from me) at the expense of boys and their development.
Stop and review from Woman's suffrage until #metoo. Look at what has been done (the good stuff) for women over this arc. Now review what has been done for men? We see news statements over a sliver of the worst of the worse (Cosby/Weinstein/Epstein). Then we see the subtle shaming from a company that sells Razors (Gillette) to try to "make men better” through selling blades on a super bowl commerical.
People can say that was not their meaning, but if you review that Gillette was the one who shamed women in the early 1900s with blades saying "hairy legs" implied a dirty woman, and a dirty woman is implied to be a whore ... One has to ask WTF is wrong with our country that we still are perpretating the same ole same ole and even shaming women's sexuality again with WAP ...
The Toxic Culture of Masculinity, which I believe is more important to say this way to those that are not educated, nor have taken the time to research and learn and grow. As really obliterated men in totality, and this isn't about a remodeling. It is about rebuilding from scratch a better man. The base starts with men, and needs to be led by men just like feminists have led the way with women. Then when the layers start to go up both genders can help each other, build better men and women in shared responsibility.
Review also the fact that infant boys are touched less, some might say the violence of circumcision plays an effect on the bonding, then look at how the education system has a very limited masculine presence. This lack of effective presence can lead to school in its essence to a boy to be a threatening place. So what happens? Boys drop out, there are Ted Talks about how boys dropping out and failing schools at high levels are disturbing.
If you are curious, I am a victim of the violence, I did the work. It took 5 years plus to unravel and fix. I have written a poem about that journey. If you are curious ...
If one looks at articles about masculinity and gender analysis as a whole, you will also see another pattern. A hyper majority of it is not written by men who are the experts in this field. It is by women, who are doing so over life and death. Men are and feel muted. So now they are activating their base patriarchal feelings. Fight, Flight, F*ck, and anger or lust. That is the only tool(s) that society has deemed necessary for men.
The remodeling/rebuilding needs to expand on the latter emotions and make them secondary traits. They need to remove the last action of the three “F”s and change flight to listen and fight to not be physical.
Until we put the energy in effort into that as a society which sadly will have to start with Gen Z’s children, we will be sitting the muck. Gen Jones/X/Y men have been burned hard and fast and are highly damaged in ways most women may not understand or get. Society and women know something is wrong, they feel it and they see it, but unless the stoic man speaks up and stands up. Women and society can only be like a broken clock … right twice a day and guessing the rest of the day away.
Confronting my demons (as documented in the poem) was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I did, and I am now after years of hard work am now elevating my manhood in the way I wish I did in my 20’s or early. I wouldn’t have wasted a chunk of my life flailing like a fish out of water, but it is what it is.
Great article and great descriptions.